Us in 2005 at Lincoln City, Oregon.
November 23, 2008
My name is Julia and I am starting this blog to share our story. I met my husband in 1992 and we were in love the same day. He made me feel so special and he made me feel like everything was going to be ok. He has a truck and would take me places and I had never been allowed to go anywhere until my mother let me date him. He would also buy food for me and my little sisters when we didn't have any and that was the sweetest thing a boyfriend had ever done for me. It was instant love and within a year we had our first son Pedro Jr. A couple of years later we had twin girls Maria and Elena. The three older kids are now 15 (Pedro) and the girls are 13. We had a hard time in the early years but got through being really poor and young somehow. My husband worked hard and I started college in 1999 for nursing. My husband supported me by helping with the kids, cleaning, cooking, and doing the driving. He kept the kids entertained while I studied day after day from 1999-2003. It was a REALLY happy day for our family when I graduated from college because it meant that we would suddenly have a lot more money and be able to finally buy a permanent home and a nice one.
A Side Story about Lily Sofia to explain Erb's Palsy because it may happen to your family.
Our only surprise baby ever came in September of 2002. I was right in the middle of the nursing program and could not figure out why my flu wasn't going away. Some girls at school said I should make sure I wasn't pregnant and I just laughed. I started to vomit so I asked my husband to just pick up a test. To my shock, the test was positive! I had really been wishing I could have another baby but our kids were 6 and 9 and we had decided no more.
I had Lily who was 10lbs and 3 oz. on September 4th. She was so big that she got stuck and has Erbs palsy that is mild but she compensates well with her small disability. The hardest part is watching her knowing it should not have happened. I did my mother baby quarter in the nursing program right before I got pregnant and did a paper on a woman who was about my height who had a history of shoulder dystocia and large babies. Given my history of big babies and feeling like I was having twins again despite only gaining about 15 pounds, I asked the doctor if it could happen to me. She brushed me off and told me I was just overweight. My daughter has to suffer and I will have guilt forever for not standing up for my self and my child. Sure, I believed the doctor when she told me not to worry - but she was negligent for ignoring my concern. She should have done a cesarean when my baby showed signs of problems during the labor. It was hush hush what happened at the hospital and nobody would tell me but one nurse slipped and said Erbs Palsy. When I got home and looked up Erbs Palsy online and was horrified by the pictures of babies with paralyzed arms came up. I would see the doctor later on in the halls when doing my clinicals and she would pass by like she didn't even know me when she had affected my family so deeply. Did she care what she did to my child? Did she give my sweet Lily another thought after she left the room while my precious child lay there with a paralyzed arm? She lied in my charts about how long my daughter was stuck and how much blood I had lost during the birth. I hemorrhaged so bad that I almost coded an hour after she was born. She never charted my concerns about feeling diabetic or my concern over the baby's size. She covered her butt in my charts by lying. I can't prove it, but I can say it here. To spread the word about Erb's Palsy feels important because it is a chance to save a child from disability by educating others. Trust your concerns and uneasy feelings and get second opinions if you need to when dealing with your health and doctors.
I had Lily who was 10lbs and 3 oz. on September 4th. She was so big that she got stuck and has Erbs palsy that is mild but she compensates well with her small disability. The hardest part is watching her knowing it should not have happened. I did my mother baby quarter in the nursing program right before I got pregnant and did a paper on a woman who was about my height who had a history of shoulder dystocia and large babies. Given my history of big babies and feeling like I was having twins again despite only gaining about 15 pounds, I asked the doctor if it could happen to me. She brushed me off and told me I was just overweight. My daughter has to suffer and I will have guilt forever for not standing up for my self and my child. Sure, I believed the doctor when she told me not to worry - but she was negligent for ignoring my concern. She should have done a cesarean when my baby showed signs of problems during the labor. It was hush hush what happened at the hospital and nobody would tell me but one nurse slipped and said Erbs Palsy. When I got home and looked up Erbs Palsy online and was horrified by the pictures of babies with paralyzed arms came up. I would see the doctor later on in the halls when doing my clinicals and she would pass by like she didn't even know me when she had affected my family so deeply. Did she care what she did to my child? Did she give my sweet Lily another thought after she left the room while my precious child lay there with a paralyzed arm? She lied in my charts about how long my daughter was stuck and how much blood I had lost during the birth. I hemorrhaged so bad that I almost coded an hour after she was born. She never charted my concerns about feeling diabetic or my concern over the baby's size. She covered her butt in my charts by lying. I can't prove it, but I can say it here. To spread the word about Erb's Palsy feels important because it is a chance to save a child from disability by educating others. Trust your concerns and uneasy feelings and get second opinions if you need to when dealing with your health and doctors.
I finished nursing school in 2003 and got a job as a nurse after spending 6 months at home with my Lily. I worked in medical oncology with great nurses who were like family until 2006. In 2005 things were going like planned. We were purchasing our dream home, our first home. I had just bought my dream car - a 2003 Saturn with a moon roof that was sandstone in color and was beautiful. One day, leaving the model home with all of my kids, we were rear ended by a speeder so hard that it totaled my brand new car. I guess we were ok but, I had no idea that that man with a careless moment had just ruined everything I worked so hard for. I had whiplash and my back was clicking when I walked. In the coming weeks it became harder and harder for me to hold my head up. I did 4 months of PT but returned to work in 5 weeks. All I can say is that I never knew chronic pain until this happened to me. I had so much pain 24/7 and especially after working that over time I became depressed. I eventually gave up my job 10 months later because I could not do it anymore. I had patients ask me if I was ok and that was wrong, my back would give out during procedures, and my neck would spasm from charting. I was there for my patients but I could no longer concentrate on what mattered most because of my own pain and inability to do my job. Despite 4 months of PT - it was over and I put my house for sale - my every motivation to get through college was to buy that 5 bedroom house for my children and now I was losing it. I had to let it go because I wanted to not hurt anymore. Though leaving nursing didn't make my pain go away, I no longer had to worry about working in severe pain and fear of making a life threatening mistake because of my inability to concentrate.
It was our beautiful house.
I eventually settled the case for 18K 3 years later. I would not have taken the insult settlement if my husband were here because of pride. I lost more than that just in wages the first year after the accident. My sciatica, my herniated disc, my chronic headache and neck stiffness and pain have never gone away and it was NEVER about the money. I live with a stiff neck, muscle spasms, and a tight headache everyday. I wish for just a minute other people could feel my pain, they would be surprised that that car accident had this affect even years later. I put 2K with my settlement and bought a repo home in Canton, Ohio - my hometown. It still needs major work that I can't afford to do right now but, I am happy to have a place for my kids to live without having rent in addition to other bills. I miss Vancouver and the life our family had there but, I can't afford it without my husband. My kids miss their friends and I miss my husband and our drives to the ocean and going to the river and lakes for camping and playing with the kids. I hate that the kids are growing up and we are losing this time together as a family. I wish I could freeze time or go back. Life is really hard right now.
The four kids and Pete and then Pete with Daddy at Seaside, Or.
In December of 2007, we lived in Vancouver and my husband was on his job that he worked for for 11 years. I had taught myself graphic design and had found a niche that was a good income that I could do with my neck and back problems in a recliner with my laptop. The kids were doing good and loving school and sports and life was pretty good despite the pain. Pete had just had a benign tumor removed from his right leg which was one of he scariest things I had ever gone through - having my son taken from me for surgery. I had my husband there and all of the kids when he had his surgery and Pete (Pedro jr) did well after and thank god it was benign. At the time my husband was taken, Pete was having a hard time walking still. My husband had just taken Pete to shriners a few days before he was deported because he was having problems with weight bearing on his leg. I had paid a lawyer to try and reopen my husbands immigration case. He had been originally ordered to be deported after missing a court date due to snow in 1994. My husband thought in 94' he just needed to renew his working authorization paper so we drove to Cleveland to re-apply. They told us he needed an interview so they set it up. We thought it was because he had moved from Oregon to Ohio (to be with me because my mom sent me to live with my dad until I was 18 after having the baby). Our car would not start the day of this appointment and it was a 2 hour drive to Cleveland from Canton. Nobody could take us due to the snow and so we walked to the phone booth to try and call. the courthouse I don't remember if we got through or not but I do know we got a letter that had deportation stamped on it soon after. We were both young and stupid and we didn't know what to do or how to do it. We thought that all we needed to do was get it rescheduled. I mean, we had a baby. He couldn't leave me - I was 17, I had no car and didn't know how to drive, I was still a kid in many ways and needed him. Well my husband didn't just leave because we knew in our hearts that if we could just get the judge to re-open the case that he could stay. We had NO money. My husband only made $150 a week and it was barely enough to feed and house us. We tried at the catholic charities several time over the next few years and I started college to be a nurse. We hired this lawyer in 2006 because now we could finally afford it but, he told my husband just to sit and wait because he was afraid that they would deport him if he reapplied now. He told us laws were changing to help families like us. We waited and in December right before Christmas to our shock ICE knocked on our door and took my husband. We don't know why it happened. We knew he had been ordered to leave years before but, we were hoping immigration would reopen the case because we had a family. We never hid or were secretive, my husband paid taxes and worked hard to take care of us. Of course we wanted to make him legal, but we were always told to wait. That was it though, they took him - just like that he was gone with no warning or preparation. They treated him like a criminal. These officers came in our home and took him in front of my son. I was DEVASTATED. They took his phone and wallet and lost his personal things. They put him in handcuffs and arrested him. I never thought this would happen to us because I was an american and we had kids together. I didn't sleep for days, I was sick over him being gone, it was like he had vanished from our home. His stuff was there, but he was gone with no warning. Our lawyer filed an appeal begging them to let him stay. My son had just had a tumor removed from his leg, I had problems from my accident, and our family needed him but it did not matter to the immigration. He was just another illegal but he isn't just another illegal to us, he is daddy. He wasn't like some of the illegals who had fake identities and social security numbers. He was sober for 11 years and had good a job for 11 years, he was a good father and husband and we were very happy. Even though I was hurting from my accident, my husband was my support and the reason I had strength to wake up in the morning and face life in pain. We had plans to try to buy another home after he was legal. I planned on going to school for a baccalaureate degree so that I could work as a school nurse and not on a heavy hospital floor. We wanted to rebuild and recover from the accident. I never knew how much I needed him until he was gone. I didn't fully appreciate the man I had married until I had to live life without his love and help.
Fathers Day in 2003 Lily's 2nd Birthday
The held him at the Tacoma detention center and then deported him in February when his appeal was denied. When I found out it would be a while to get him back I started researching life in Guatemala. There were American schools, internet, and American doctors and it sounded great. At the time I made some money graphic designing so I knew I could afford to live down there. I was going crazy inside because I had become very dependent on my husband and the kids were crying for him. I felt like I couldn't breath, my mind was racing and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't live without my husband so I sold all of my things and gave away the rest. My Christmas stuff, my 5 TV's, My Furniture, my college books, curtains, blankets, picture frames, exercise equipment, just STUFF. Everything except my momentos and Photo Albums.
It was not as great as we thought there in Guatemala and we were SO SICK. I was covered in flea bites and so were Lily and Elena. I mean it when I say our bodies were covered and we itched all over all day and night. Bug spray and lotion did not help and neither did the cold showers. The kids started losing weight from worms. We were at the doctor there weekly. Drinking purified water isn't enough and we didn't know why we were still sick despite taking precautions. Life is very hard there, very primitive. It was nice getting to know family there and having the kids see some of their hispanic heritage. I liked it there if it weren't for two things, the sickness and the schools. I would have stayed to be with my husband for as long as it took if I could. The American schools were not actually what comes to mind and the only real America based school wanted all of the money up front. They didn't want to take 2K and the rest in monthly payments. Half of schools down there are called "Americano" but that is just a word there that is used to make businesses or items seem like they are from the USA. It was expensive to live down there with 5 kids and I couldn't afford it. We were spending too much on medicine and antibiotics. My kids missed school and were sick and I had lost everything and it was my fault. My husband and I knew that I had to come back alone with the kids so that is what I did in June. The airport was horrible - Lily cried and screamed when we had to separate, we all cried. I cry when I think about it today. I was also pregnant and knew I would need a cesarean because of the size of Lily and her complications with getting stuck.
My husband bought this car for our son and they planned to work on it together, we sold this too.
It was not as great as we thought there in Guatemala and we were SO SICK. I was covered in flea bites and so were Lily and Elena. I mean it when I say our bodies were covered and we itched all over all day and night. Bug spray and lotion did not help and neither did the cold showers. The kids started losing weight from worms. We were at the doctor there weekly. Drinking purified water isn't enough and we didn't know why we were still sick despite taking precautions. Life is very hard there, very primitive. It was nice getting to know family there and having the kids see some of their hispanic heritage. I liked it there if it weren't for two things, the sickness and the schools. I would have stayed to be with my husband for as long as it took if I could. The American schools were not actually what comes to mind and the only real America based school wanted all of the money up front. They didn't want to take 2K and the rest in monthly payments. Half of schools down there are called "Americano" but that is just a word there that is used to make businesses or items seem like they are from the USA. It was expensive to live down there with 5 kids and I couldn't afford it. We were spending too much on medicine and antibiotics. My kids missed school and were sick and I had lost everything and it was my fault. My husband and I knew that I had to come back alone with the kids so that is what I did in June. The airport was horrible - Lily cried and screamed when we had to separate, we all cried. I cry when I think about it today. I was also pregnant and knew I would need a cesarean because of the size of Lily and her complications with getting stuck.
My husband bought this car for our son and they planned to work on it together, we sold this too.
Pictures from our visit to Guatemala in 2008
3 generations of Pedro Lily with 3 cousins
During our time there in Guatemala immigration was still looking for his case file and when I got back they could not find it so we re-applied for the VISA in August of 2008. Well that brings us to today and we have not heard anything. It is supposed to take 6 months or less. I am Due with the baby who looks to be a boy December 29th and it looks like for sure, my husband will not be here when I have the baby. My husband for some reason told me that he should be home by Christmas when I left in June. I don't know where he got this information from but it isn't happening. When I left I thought he would be here in time. This is the first time he will miss one of our children being born. My son is going to stand in for his father when I have the baby. I hope they will let Pete (Pedro Jr - he is 15) cut the cord. The kids are doing ok despite being upset a lot because they all failed a grade because of the time they missed while we were in Guatemala. I am so sorry for that. I honestly thought I had researched and had the right plan. The plan not to break up my family. My daughter Maria has braces that are not being cared for because I can't afford it. I had payed for more than half of her total care for braces in Vancouver, Wa in the first 6 months that they were on. I am not making as much money nowadays because of not being able to work as much without help from my husband with the kids. Now I don't know what to do and I feel so bad. This house I bought has toilet water coming through the kitchen ceiling and I can't afford to get the bathroom floor replaced so that a toilet can be properly bolted down. It's cold in Ohio. Me & the girls all sleep in one room because we don't have a working furnace and it's so cold in the rest of the house that our pipes have frozen and we aren't able to stay downstairs long enough to cook properly. I bought a cord of wood thinking that it would heat our house, but it's really hard to get it warm in here from wood. I don't know what to do and I am not making a lot of money anymore. I need my husband so bad for so many reasons. I've had to pay strangers a lot to do things my husband could have done for free! I am relying on my son to do a lot and have sadly had to put pressure on him to be the man while daddy is gone. He tries to fix things - he tries his best. I am having a hard time being 33 and pregnant with disc problems. Sometimes I can't walk when I get up because of the baby pressing on my sciatic nerve. I am diabetic and getting extra care for the baby so I have to drive in this snow a lot to the hospital. I have to take the kids with me because I don't have anyone that can help and watch them for my appointments. I am having gall bladder problems/attacks and have gone to the ER twice because of it. They say I have to get it out right after having the baby. Life is hard right now, very hard and I miss my husband and he misses us. He is very depressed and so am I. This nightmare has no end in sight.
Baby # 5 Due December 29th
Baby # 5 Due December 29th
January 2, 2009
We now have an addition to our little family. He was 8lbs and 12 oz born on December 23rd by cesarean prevention just in case he was too big. I also was able to get my tubes tied to save me from my amazing fertility. He had Jaundice and had gotten lethargic and was readmitted to the hospital and it was so hard to walk back and forth from the hospital right after having major surgery and I actually hurt myself by doing so but I had to. I cried and had so much pain walking as far as I had to from the ER parking lot to where the baby was. I needed my husband, he could have pushed me in a wheelchair. It took me 25 minutes to make the walk each way feeling like my guts were going to fall through the incision. My little guy is ok now and doing better. Today is my birthday and I am spending it with my children, I wish daddy was here so that he could go out and get me a cake like he usually does. It's not the presents that I love, it's seeing my kids getting excited to go out with daddy to shop for mommy. I love seeing their faces when I am about to open the one they got me. This year there won't be any of that. I told the kids I never cared about presents anyway and that what I really wanted were some homemade pictures and cards, which I got. Still no news but it has almost been 6 months since we turned it in so hopefully soon for the VISA.
There is one person who didn't get to hold this precious baby yet.
March 1, 2009
We should have heard about the VISA by now so I called because it has been 6 months and they are looking into it and I should get a letter soon. I just got my gall bladder out a few days ago and I'm doing ok. I had to make out a will just in case I died during surgery which was a horrible fear. I was so scared and wanted my husband here. I left the baby with my sister who had only seen and held him a few times but he did fine and took bottles of breast milk for her. I made my wishes known to my sisters just in case. I know I'm silly sometimes but I worry a lot about what would happen to my kids if I weren't here. The kids are doing well and Alex is smiling now. Pete is doing amazing in school and has a 4.0 in his honors classes! I never knew he was genius, but I guess he is. Lily loves Kindergarten and has a lot of boy-friends (friends that are boys) They seem to like her a lot. Elena and Maria are doing good, they constantly complain about being 13 in the 6th grade which makes me feel bad. I try to take a lot of pictures for daddy so that he doesn't miss the kids growing up. I know it's not the same as being here, but it is better than nothing at all.
April 10, 2009
I got a letter from Immigration saying that they are still waiting on his background checks and that is why the case is delayed. I miss him so bad. It's really sad how the kids do and say things and daddy misses it. My son won kings court with my little sister Isabella and my husband missed it. The school plays and band concerts, sports tournaments, milestones are things that we can't have a do over on. The kids miss him being there and being proud of their achievements. I miss having my second half there with me for the emotional support. He has never held our new son. This beautiful baby boy has a father who loves him and can't hold him or play with him. We are only thankful that Alex will never have to remember not having a daddy. It's been 10 months since I have seen my husband and some days I want to go back but, I can't jeopardize the kids education anymore so if we haven't heard anything when school is out we will try to visit.
June 5, 2009
No news - still waiting. We got a back tax return and I miss my husband and the kids miss their dad so we are using it to go and visit daddy. We are taking a greyhound bus and then the ADO bus through Mexico to get to Guatemala. It is a little cheaper than flying and I am terrified to fly anyway.
Back to Guatemala to visit daddy - 2009
Back to Guatemala to visit daddy - 2009
August 20, 2009
We have been visiting Guatemala since June and are not even sick this time! I love it here because we are a family again and am so sad that I have to go home to put the kids back in school. I don't want to go and the older kids want to go only because of school. Every time I hug my husband or see him holding our little kids is a blessing that I use to take for granted. On June 15th we found out the VISA was APPROVED! We scraped up the $470 for the NVC fee and payed it. Now the lawyers have agreed to finish the case for $3000 + all of the filing fees. I don't even have the money to get home so my sister helped us buy plane tickets. It is cheaper to fly than take the bus for some reason! I had saved enough for the bus and was surprised that prices went up. I have never taken or borrowed money like this but she insisted I take it. The economy is affecting my design sales as well as over saturation of people doing what I do and my decline in work hours since having the baby. If we had the money, the lawyers would do the waiver for us and we could be together by Christmas. We have no idea how we are going to come up with it. If we had known the VISA was gonna be approved we would not have visited and used the money for that but we missed each other so bad and were desperate! I'm so sad, I am leaving in two days and I hope it won't be another year apart but I fear that it will be. I'm so sad and the kids are sad but excited about school. My husband is as you can guess, he is really upset that we have to leave him here again.
Last Good Byes- A sad day.
October 13, 2009
We are still not able to do anything. We don't have the money. We had $900 saved, but I had to spend half on bills so now I only have $450. Next Monday is the Twins birthday and I don't know what to do. Should I get them a gift and spend some of Daddy's lawyer money? They are good kids, they say they just need some pants because it is getting cold. I love those girls - they are so good and they help out so much. We are waiting for nothing, if we just had more money things could be in motion to bring daddy back, As soon as he gets here he can work and take care of us again. I don't have house insurance right now and I have not payed the taxes on my house, it bothers me really bad. I am working a lot TRYING desperately to get a customer base back to buy my design work but it's hard. I really enjoyed my job for the past 3 years but, now I fear I may have to let it go and get a job. The problem is leaving my 9 month old son. He is still breastfed and screams and cries if I leave the room. He is clingy and needs me. My husband misses all of the kids but really wants to hold little Alexander in his arms again. Alex says daddy to my computers desktop picture. I keep it one of Daddy holding Alex in hopes that he wont forget who daddy is. Pete our 16 year old is going to be a doctor and I worry about how we will be able to help him pay for college. He wants to go to Brown for pre-med and John Hopkins. He has above a 4.7 and we are hoping he will get some scholarships. Elena has been playing soccer and is goalie just like her daddy. Maria has been enjoying middle school and is becoming beautiful which scares me about boys! They are not allowed to date until probably 16 or 17 and even later if I can stop it. Lily is in first grade and reading so well. She loves fashion and picking out her outfits the day before. My dad's wife had a big garbage bag full of clothes in Lily's size so she is loving her new wardrobe! Alex is sweet as usual and taking his first steps! The kids are growing up so fast!
November 19, 2009
I'd like to thank my sister Silena who helped to get the Attorney and immigration fees paid. We will soon be able to get the waivers filed and hopefully it will not take much longer to be a family again.
December 20, 2009
Well here we are, almost our third Christmas without daddy. I have no enthusiasm to decorate, bake, or anything but I will try to fake it for the kids today. The salvation army got presents for my four youngest kids but, Pete is too old. My kids use to get about $3-400 bucks spent on them at Christmas EACH and now I have about $40 to spend on them each. Because Pete didn't get to be signed up at the Salvation Army, I had to spend more on him. He badly needed headgear and knee pads and a sports bag for wrestling. That stuff is not cheap. My son is thankful to have it but, Pete also needs fees for band and this disneyworld field trip so often and it really stresses me out. He deserves it, he has a 4.7 GPA and tested 96% & 97% for math and science out of the whole united states! I can't afford the things my kids need for school and will be so happy when their dad can help again. It is time for us to be preparing to pay for college and he needs to come home to help make our kids be successful adults.. My kids are suffering because of this and it really is not fair to them. I had to pay fees for Elena's basketball too this year plus the gear for soccer. Now Lily wants swim and gymnastics lessons so bad. I told her to wait until after Christmas and I would try. Lily all of a sudden got chunky so I have to buy her pants with most of her Christmas money. I am so thankful for the gifts that the salvation army helped with and wish I could thank whoever bought these gifts in person. They each got 3-4 items that I put on the list. Nothing expensive, just little toys, colored pencils, a couple shirts - things like that but it means so much!
Alex's first birthday is in 3 days! It's no fun for me to have any holiday or birthday without him. It's like I want to freeze time and wait for him. I miss him and yet I get mad at him for not being here. He was my everything and now he isn't here. Sometimes I am upset with him because I have to send him money too when I feel like he should be able to work and make enough to pay his own internet bill. The internet is the cheapest way for us to see each other everyday. My husband can only make a few dollars sometimes there. He works daily with one sister but his pay is that she feeds him hot meals. He works for his other sister on the farm a couple times a week but the pay is usually less than $5 USD. I have been paying for the internet but, I don't know how I can continue. Thanks to the internet we see eachother daily and the baby knows Da Da and tries to blow kisses to him and it's really cute. They can play peek-a-boo, and most of all he hears his daddy's voice everyday so that he won't forget. I can't imagine how much sadder life would be if we couldn't talk everyday so even though this is hard, I am so so thankful for having the internet. A lot of people get deported and rely on phone cards and don't get to visually see their loved ones so I feel lucky and thankful. Christmas will come and go and the lawyer is working to prepare the case. There is a bunch of stuff they need from us which, we are working on right now. Hopefully my husband is home before school is out. There is no way I can visit him there this year financially so he has to come home. I am so depressed and the happiness is drained from me. My husband is depressed too. We are falling apart and need to be stronger for the kids sake. I forgot to mention my sister and her boss bought us a furnace as a Christmas present. We are so so thankful and won't freeze this winter like last year. There is already snow on the ground but the nasty below zero temperature days have not hit us yet. I have not paid my taxes from June on my house and am about to get another bill in January. I am also working with BVR (Bureau of Vocational Rehab) I want to get a child care license and do child care form home because I can't go back to being a nurse. I still am breastfeeding the baby and am now home schooling one of my teenage daughters so this would allow me to be home with these kids where I am needed most. I need to find a way to get the leaks from the bathroom fixed before I do the in home child care. I will post again soon after Christmas. Happy Holidays to everyone! Be thankful for having your loved ones because you never know when you may lose someone.
Special days that daddy has to miss. The kids grow so fast!
April 4th, 2010
I know it has been a while, it has been a really hard few months. I am so depressed that one minute I am crying and the next laughing. My husband is still over in Guatemala. I feel at fault for not being able to find a therapist or psychologist to do an assessment for me for the waiver application. So simple right? I called everywhere and most people told me, "We don't do anything like that". From Cleveland to Canton. At one place the therapist said she would not know me well enough to do one until after a few sessions. She didn't want to do it for me though. I went in several times and she gave me really good ideas of places to call and ask but nothing panned out. I then started seeing another therapist. It took me 5 weeks form the appointment date to get in and the therapist was so rude to me that I began to cry. She said they won't touch anything immigration and treated me like I was garbage. The intake person had told me I could get a copy of my assessment but when I told the therapist that she kept telling me they wanted nothing to do with my immigration problem. It's not that she yelled, though she was talking loudly and being very harsh and unkind. She could have said no in a nice way without making me feel like trash. I don't look like trash, I don't dress like a trashy person, but it really hurt. By the time I got to my car I couldn't even drive until I cried for a while and got it out of my system. I spent months in therapy trying to get one person to give a small evaluation and nobody would. I offered to pay extra for the time it took to write it but nobody wanted to. the only people who said they could do it wanted $1750 and the other $1800. Too much for me. In despair I emailed the attorney and told her the trouble I was having getting this evaluation and she referred me to someone who has agreed to do the psych eval and assessment. It's a lot of money for me, but a lot less than $1750. What a relief but we still have a lot of time to be reunited if the waiver is approved.
I want to go back to the therapist I was initially seeing because she helped me with confidence to face the world without my husband. I am having trouble weaning my baby from the breastmilk so I can't take an antidepressent or neurontin for my sciatica and burning toes until my little guy is completely weaned. Seeing the therapist helped me with my outlook on life too. I struggle to have my cup half full since losing my husband. I have a hard time getting things done because of lack of motivation. When the baby is napping like now I just sit and think about how much I have lost and feel devastated. Then I feel bad for having a pity party when my husband is the one who is alone and my kids are the one who have lost a parent. It just seemed as though I was going to pull out of the depression from the car accident and get some of my life back when he was taken. After he left, life has seemed not worth living. I have these kids to live for, but I am here by myself and I am always afraid of not having him when things happen here.
Today Alex got his fingers smashed in the door and I took him to the hospital. the doctor said he is lucky because it looked like it was broken but it is going to be ok. I talked to my husband today after he worked. He works a lot now down there and I don't get to talk to him for a long time everyday. He says he gets too depressed looking at those four concrete walls and so he goes with his one sister and his other sister's husbands to their farms to work. It has been like this for a couple of months. I feel like I am losing some of the closeness we had because it has been so long since we have seen each other in person. 9 months I guess. I can't visit him when the kids get out of school this year, I don't have the money and I don't want to be stuck in Guatemala with 5 kids again. It's really scary over there. I don't really speak spanish and when my kids get sick, it's hard to know and feel that they are for sure going to be ok. I like seeing my husbands family, I love the culture, I miss Guatemala but I don't really want to go back and I can't do it to the kids anymore. We have spent 6 months there in total and going there has drained us and we are trying to rebuild a life in Ohio - from scratch. I am also scared to fly and taking the bus through Mexico wasn't as bad as you might think, but with 5 kids it was pretty awful and extremely scary even though the people were all very nice to us. I know I am rambling today, I am feeling very sad and teary. Thinking about how much the kids have changed and grown since 2007. Pete is going to be 17 years old in 2 months. He is the #1 student at McKinley HS with a 4.7 GPA and aspirations to be an orthopedic doctor. He won awards for speech and debate and went to state competition, he lettered in wrestling, and now is at Disneyworld with his marching band. Tomorrow they will play in a parade in Disney World. He marches the base drum, something he loves. Living in Guatemala was nice to keep the family together but, my kids are American as I am and deserve their American education no matter who their father is. I can't hurt the kids but I don't want to lose my husband either. We had to be strong and separate for the good of our kids even though we are still in love and a family that just can't be reunited at this time. I need to stop crying, I just miss him so bad and I need him.
I hope next blog, there is more good news to report and for those struggling without their loved ones, be strong and I hope you can be together soon and I pray daddy will be home soon too.
Julia Mejia
January 5, 2012
I know it has been a long time since I have posted. We are still waiting. The Visa is approved again pending an approved I-601 and I-212 which were turned in with our entire packet on November 29, 2011. I am hopeful. We both had psych evals which stated he needs to come home and discussed extreme hardship. We have letters from us, our kids, doctors, family members, my therapist. We turned in financial proof, 90 photos and a lot more. They told him at the office three to four months for a decision. It can take 180 days or more and the flooding a couple months ago may have them backed up.
2011 started with my nervous breakdown in which I cut my arms up and wanted to die but I couldn't because I have five children. I had almost given up. I was cutting to relieve emotional pain and I had never done that in my life. What I felt on the inside came out when I tried to taper off of my antidepressant (doctor assisted). I caused damage to myself and the kids by losing it in front of them. My son called my sister. I had a mental breakdown and went to live with my sister for a few months. She helped me recover and helped me with the kids. I have never been this bad in my entire life and I am so ashamed for being so weak.
My sister qualified to be a sponsor and things have got better. The impact of losing my husband is obvious. He was my rock and I need him home. I need him home before Lily has surgery on her erb's palsy arm and before our son graduated from high school in a few months. I don't know if he will be here but, we need him to be.
Things really are looking up and our love is strong and the kids are doing better too. My husband and I can't take another blow so we have to be approved.
Kids growing up!
Pete Visited his dad in Guatemala (6/2011)
Senior Night - Homecoming King
Pete Student of the month from the Rotary Club in Canton
Brothers - Just fishing.
Homecoming for Pedro (Pete), Maria, & Elena
The whole family - except for Daddy
Me with Lily and Alex
Pony Ride on Halloween for Alex
Elena so cute and four foot ten!
To end, I will post as soon as we get an update and I hope it is soon!!
Be safe everyone!
May 21, 2012
My husband has been home since May 3rd after we appealed an initial denial of our I-601 waiver. The consulate had tried to put a 6b ban on us for missing the initial court date in 1994 but that did not apply to us. Our lawyer did the work for the appeal for free and wrote an awesome brief explaining all the reasons we do not in any way get the 6b ban and it worked. He was denied on March 12th. We filed the appeal in April and he received a phone call a couple weeks later to come in and get his VISA. My son arranged some ticket vouchers and loaned us what we needed for the ticket. We are so busted broke from me paying for the appeal - I didn't pay any bills so I am about to get all kinds of disconnect notices. My husband did get a job last week so it will work out in a few weeks. It is a very low paying job packing tools three nights a week. He will look for something paying more when he gets the permanent resident card and gets his drivers license and forklift certification.
I can't complain but it is taking some adjusting. Lily is having a really hard time adjusting and yells at him every time he tries to tell her to do something. We are shocking the kids going back to a two parent household and I think Lily is just jealous of his relationship with the three year old. The three year old loves his new 'best friend' but gets really grouchy about this new guy in MY life. He keeps aggressively asserting he is the man of my heart. I think the other kids are glad he is home and they are getting along fine. It will take adjustment and getting use to after four years apart. Our son is leaving for Ohio State after this summer and my husband is sad that his oldest son is leaving and he just got back - we will miss Pete.
We have the added stress of being so poor for a bit but know this will ease up as the pay checks start coming in. I feel a little like we are strangers or maybe it's that I am use to my solitude. I can't explain how it's such a comfort but also a new change which unsettles my day to day routine somewhat. I don't adapt to change well - my own problem. I am sad that him being home didn't fix all of my mental problems that I suffer from like I thought it might. The years apart broke me so completely that I don't know how to be happy, I am always afraid that there is a bomb about to drop. I wish I could just snap out of it! At any rate, I feel less responsibility for holding this family together now that there is someone to share it with. It's so wonderful to have someone else to help with Alex and someone to do the yard work and fix things that are broken around here. We already did so much together that was hard for me to do on my own. I guess my husband had been smoking and drinking so he quit cold turkey and that along with being hungry a lot for four years explains all of the eating - he gained 10 pounds! For those still struggling, it can happen you just have to keep fighting for what matters most! The kids grew up so much in four years that at the airport they all thought daddy was so short!
