Us in 2005 at Lincoln City, Oregon Beach.
November 23, 2008
My name is Julia and I am starting this blog to share our story. I met my husband in 1992 and we were in love the same day. It was instant and within a year we had our first son Pedro Jr. A couple of years later we had twin girls Maria and Elena. The three older kids are now 15 (Pedro) and the girls are 13. We had a hard time for years but got through it. My husband worked hard and I started college in 1999 for nursing. My husband supported me by helping with the kids, cleaning, cooking, doing the driving to gymnastics and Tae Kwon Do. He kept the kids entertained while I studied day after day from 1999-2003.
A Side Story about Lily Sofia to explain Erb's Palsy because it may happen to you.
Our only surprise baby ever came in September of 2002. I was right in the middle of the nursing program and could not figure out why my flu wasn't going away. Some girls at school said I should make sure I wasn't pregnant and I just laughed. So I was about 8 weeks pregnant and started to vomit so I asked my husband to just pick up a test. To my shock, the test was positive! The thing that was upsetting is that I was in the third quarter of nursing which meant I would be the sickest during the fourth quarter which is the one that a lot of students fail! I was overjoyed about the baby, but very afraid I would not be able to finish. I had clinicals where I was almost passing out from blood pressure problems, I vomited in the bathrooms of the hospitals, and had a horrible time with patient smells due to the nausea. I questioned if I could be a nurse because I couldn't hardly handle the blood, sputum, and BM. Luckily later I found I was fine taking care of patients and the bad smells and sights and that it was just the pregnancy making me so sick. Somehow, even when 4th quarter we lost 7 out of our 30 some students, I made it. I now had the summer off and knew I would have the baby right before I had to return for 5th and 6th quarter. I had Lily who was 10lbs and 3 oz. on September 4th. She was so big that she got stuck and has Erbs palsy that is mild but she compensates well with her small disability. The hardest part is watching her knowing it should not have happened. I did my mother baby quarter paper on a woman who was about my height who had a history of shoulder dystocia and large babies. Given my history of big babies and feeling like I was having twins again despite only gaining about 15 pounds, I asked the doctor if it could happen to me. She brushed me off and told me I was just overweight. She was supposed to be a good doctor from the vancouver clinic and I trusted her judgment. My daughter has to suffer and I will have guilt forever for not standing up for my self and my child. Sure, I believed the doctor when she told me not to worry - but she was negligent for ignoring my concern. She should have done a cesarean when my baby showed signs of problems. When my baby was stuck, she didn't do special maneuvers - she yanked the hell out of our baby to get her out. It was witnessed by my sisters, my older children, and my video camera. It was hush hush what happened until I got home and looked up Erbs Palsy online and was horrified by the pictures of babies with paralyzed arms came up. I would see Dr. Draper in the halls when doing my clinicals and she would pass by like she didn't even know me when she had affected my family so deeply. Did she care what she did to my child? Did she give my sweet Lily another thought? She lied in my charts about how long my daughter was stuck and how much blood I had lost during the birth. I hemorrhaged so bad that I almost coded an hour after she was born. She never charted my concerns about feeling diabetic or my concern over the baby's size. She covered her ass in my charts by lying. I can't prove it, but I can say it here. I am not the one who has a reason to lie. Anyway - trust your gut about your body because even if a doctor tells you not to worry, you may have a problem still. Doctors have harmed me more than once with permanent damage and you just can't 100% trust them.
Back to the story - I finished nursing school in 2003 and got a job as a nurse after spending 6 months at home with my Lily. I worked in medical oncology with great nurses who were like family until 2006. In 2005 things were going like planned. We were purchasing our dream home, our first home. I had just bought my dream car - a 2003 Saturn with a moon roof that was sandstone in color and was beautiful. One day, leaving the model home with all of my kids, we were rear ended by a speeder so hard that it totaled my brand new car. I guess we were ok but, I had no idea that that man with a careless moment had just ruined everything I worked so hard for. I had whiplash and my back was clicking when I walked. in the coming weeks it became harder and harder for me to hold my head up. I did 4 months of PT but returned to work in 5 weeks. All I can say is that I never knew chronic pain until this happened to me. I never knew I'd be stigmatized for being overweight. THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT. I was treated like a faker and not the victim. I had so much pain 24/7 and especially after working that over time I became depressed. I eventually gave up my job 10 months later because I could not do it. Despite 4 months of PT - it was over and I put my house for sale - my every motivation to get through college was to buy that 5 bedroom house for my children and now I was losing it.
I eventually settled the case for 18K 3 years later. I am not faking my sciatica, my herniated disc, my chronic headache and neck stiffness and pain and it was NEVER about the money. I put 2K with my settlement and bought a repo home in Canton, Ohio - my hometown. It still needs major work that I can't afford to do right now but, I am happy to have a place for my kids to live without having rent in addition to other bills.
In December of 2007, we lived in Vancouver and my husband was on his job that he worked for for 11 years. I had taught myself graphic design and had found a niche that was a good income that I could do with my neck and back problems in a recliner with my laptop. The kids were doing good and loving school and sports and life was pretty good despite the pain. I paid a lawyer 2K to open a case for my husband to try and reopen his case. He had been ordered to be deported after missing a court date due to snow in 1994. My husband thought he just needed to renew his working authorization so we drove to Cleveland to re-apply. They told us he needed an interview so they set it up. Our car would not start the day of and it was a 2 hour drive. Nobody could take us due to the snow and so we walked to the phone booth to try and call. I don't remember if we got through or not but I do know we got a letter that had deportation stamped on it. We thought that all we needed to do was get it rescheduled. I mean, we had a baby! He couldn't leave me - I was 17, I had no car and didn't know how to drive, I was still a kid in many ways and needed him. Well my husband didn't leave because we knew in our hearts that if we could just get the judge to re-open the case that he could stay. We had NO money. My husband only made $150 a week and it was barely enough to feed and house us. We tried at the catholic charities several time over the next few years and I started college to be a nurse. We hired this lawyer because now we could finally afford it but, after we paid him 2K he told my husband just to sit and wait because he was afraid that they would deport him if he reapplied now. (January 2007) He told us laws were changing to help families like us. We waited and in December right before Christmas to our shock ICE knocked on our door and took my husband. That was it - just like that. They treated him like a criminal. They took his phone and wallet and "LOST IT". Our lawyer filed an appeal begging them to let him stay. My son had just had a tumor removed from his leg, I had problems from my accident, and our family needed him but it did not matter to the government. He was just another illegal but he isn't just another illegal to us, he is daddy.
The held him at the Tacoma detention center and then deported him in February when his appeal was denied. When I found it it would be a while I started researching life in Guatemala. There were American schools, internet, and American doctors. I couldn't live without my husband so I sold all of my things and gave away the rest. My Christmas stuff, my 5 TV's, My Furniture..Everything except my momentos and Photo Albums. It was not as great as we thought there and were SICK. I was covered in flea bites and so were Lily and Elena. The kids started losing weight from worms. We were at the doctor there weekly. Drinking purified water isn't enough and we didn't know why we were still sick despite taking precautions. It was nice getting to know family there and having the kids see some of their hispanic heritage. I liked it there if it werent for two things, The sickness and the schools I would have stayed to be with my husband. The American schools were not actually what comes to mind and the only real America based school wanted all of the money up front. They didn't want to take 2K and the rest in monthly payments. It was expensive and I couldn't afford it. My kids missed school and were sick and I had lost everything and it was my fault.My husband and I knew that I had to come back alone with the kids so that is what I did. The airport was horrible - Lily cried and screamed when we had to separate, we all cried. I cry when I think about it too. I was also pregnant and knew I would need a cesarean because of the size of Lily and her complications.
3 generations of Pedro Lily with 3 cousins
During our time there in Guatemala immigration was still looking for his case file and when I got back they could not find it so we re-applied for the VISA in August of 2008. Well that brings us to today and we have not heard anything. It is supposed to take 6 months or less. I am Due with the baby who looks to be a boy December 29th and it looks like for sure, my husband will not be here when I have the baby. This is the first time he will miss one of our children being born. My son is going to stand in for his father when I have the baby. I hope they will let Pete (Pedro Jr - he is 15) cut the cord. The kids are doing ok despite being upset a lot because they all failed a grade because of the time they missed while we were in Guatemala. I am so sorry for that. I honestly thought I had researched and had the right plan. The plan not to let the government break up my family. My daughter Maria has braces that are not being cared for because I can't afford it. I had payed for more than half of her total care for braces in Vancouver, Wa in the first 6 months that they were on. Now I don't know what to do and I feel so bad. This house I bought has toilet water coming through the kitchen ceiling and I can't afford to get the bathroom floor replaced so that a toilet can be properly bolted down. It's cold in Ohio. Me & the girls all sleep in one room because we don't have a working furnace and it's so cold in the rest of the house that our pipes have frozen and we aren't able to stay downstairs long enough to cook properly. I bought a cord of wood thinking that it would heat our house, but it's really hard to get it warm in here from wood. I don't know what to do and I am not making a lot of money anymore. I need my husband so bad for so many reasons. I've had to pay strangers a lot to do things my husband could have done for free! I am relying on my son to do a lot and have sadly had to put pressure on him to be the man while daddy is gone. He tries to fix things - he tries his best. I am having a hard time being 33 and pregnant with disc problems. Sometimes I can't walk when I get up because of the baby pressing on my sciatic nerve. I am diabetic and getting extra care for the baby so I have to rive in this snow a lot to the hospital. I am having gall bladder problems and have gone to the ER twice because of it. They say I have to get it out right after having the baby. Life is hard right now, very hard and I miss my husband and he misses us. He is very depressed and so am I. This nightmare has no end in sight.
January 2, 2009
We now have an addition to our little family. He was 8lbs and 12 oz born on December 23rd by cesarean prevention just incase he was too big. He had Jaundice too and it was so hard to walk back and forth from the hospital right after having major surgery and I actually hurt myself by doing so but I had to. My little guy is ok now and doing better. Today is my birthday and I am spending it with my children, I wish daddy was here so that he could go out and get me a cake like he usually does. It's not the presents that I love, it's seeing my kids getting excited to go out with daddy to shop for mommy. I love seeing their faces when I am about to open the one they got me. This year there won't be any of that. I told the kids I never cared about presents anyway and that what I really wanted were some homemade pictures and cards, which I got. Still no news but it has almost been 6 months since we turned it in so hopefully soon for the VISA.
March 1, 2009
We should have heard about the VISA by now so I called because it has been 6 months and they are looking into it and I should get a letter soon. I just got my gall bladder out a few days ago and I'm doing ok. The kids are doing well and Alex is smiling now. Pete is doing amazing in school and has a 4.0 in his honors classes! I never knew he was genius, but I guess he is. Lily loves Kindergarten and has a lot of boy-friends (friends that are boys) They seem to like her a lot. I try to take a lot of pictures for daddy so that he doesn't miss the kids growing up. I know it's not the same as being here, but it is better than nothing at all.
April 10, 2009
I got a letter from Immigration saying that they are still waiting on his background checks and that is why the case is delayed. I miss him so bad. The kids miss him. He has never held our new son. It's been 10 months since I have seen my husband and some days I want to go back but, I can't jeopardize the kids education anymore so if we haven't heard anything when school is out we will try to visit.
June 5, 2009
No news - still waiting. We got a back tax return and I miss my husband and the kids miss their dad so we are using it to go and visit daddy. We are taking a greyhound bus and then the ADO bus through Mexico to get to Guatemala. It is a little cheaper than flying and I am terrified to fly anyway.
August 20, 2009
We have been visiting Guatemala since June and are not even sick this time! I love it here because we are a family again and am so sad that I have to go home to put the kids back in school. I don't want to go and the older kids want to go only because of school. On June 15th we found out the VISA was APPROVED! We scraped up the $470 for the NVC fee and payed it. Now the lawyers have agreed to finish the case for $3000 + all of the filing fees. I don't even have the money to get home so my sister helped us buy plane tickets. It is cheaper to fly than take the bus for some reason! I have never taken or borrowed money like this but she insisted I take it. The economy is affecting my design sales as well as over saturation of people doing what I do and my decline in work hours since having the baby. If we had the money, the lawyers would do the waiver for us and we could be together by Christmas. We have no idea how we are going to come up with it. If we had known the VISA was gonna be approved we would not have visited and used the money for that but we missed each other so bad and were desperate! I'm so sad, I am leaving in two days and I hope it won't be another year apart but I fear that it will be. I'm so sad and the kids are sad but excited about school. My husband is as you can guess, he is really upset that we have to leave him here again.
Last Good Byes
October 13, 2009
We are still not able to do anything. We don't have the money. We had $900 saved, but I had to spend half on bills so now I only have $450. Next Monday is the Twins birthday and I don't know what to do. Should I get them a gift and spend some of Daddy's lawyer money? They are good kids, they say they just need some pants because it is getting cold. I love those girls - they are so good and they help out so much. We are waiting for nothing, if we just had more money things could be in motion to bring daddy back, As soon as he gets here he can work and take care of us again. I don't have house insurance right now and I have not payed the taxes on my house, it bothers me really bad. I am working a lot TRYING desperately to get a customer base back to buy my design work but it's hard. I really enjoyed my job for the past 3 years but, now I fear I may have to let it go and get a job. The problem is leaving my 9 month old son. He is still breastfed and screams and cries if I leave the room. He is clingy and needs me. My husband misses all of the kids but really wants to hold little Alexander in his arms again. Alex says daddy to my computers desktop picture. I keep it one of Daddy holding Alex in hopes that he wont forget who daddy is. Pete our 16 year old is going to be a doctor and I worry about how we will be able to help him pay for college. He wants to go to Brown for pre-med and John Hopkins. He has above a 4.0 and we are hoping he will get some scholarships. Elena has been playing soccer and is goalie just like her daddy. Maria has been enjoying middle school and is becoming beautiful which scares me about boys! They are not allowed to date until probably 16 or 17 and even later if I can stop it. Lily is in first grade and reading so well. She loves fashion and picking out her outfits the day before. My dad's wife had a big garbage bag full of clothes in Lily's size so she is loving her new wardrobe! Alex is sweet as usual and taking his first steps! The kids are growing up so fast!
November 19, 2009
I'd like to thank my sister Silena who helped to get the Attorney and immigration fees paid. We will soon be able to get the waivers filed and hopefully it will not take much longer to be a family again.
